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Nov. 18th, 2005 | 04:14 am
music: "Hallelujah" Shrek OST
posted by: guardian_yugi in sanzo_hakkai
Title: The Truth Behind the Smile
Pairing(s): 8x3, with implied 5x8
Rating: PG17 for gore
Summary: Sanzo is losing his sanity.
Author Notes: A very sad story.
Genre: Sentimental shounen-ai.
The rain beat without mercy against the roof of the inn. Sanzo sighed. He looked out over the town... the darkness painting him blue. He reached for yet another cigarette when a sudden fierce pain wracked his body. He coughed... again and again he coughed... until he coughed up blood. He tried to cry for help... no sound came from his mouth. That was when he heard it. A voice that was not a voice... and yet it was not the same as when Goku had called him.
Who are you...? Sanzo demanded in his mind. Why are you doing this to me?
"Sanzo... give me the Maten Sutra and all of your troubles will be over..." came a low voice. Sanzo looked behind him. Ah... a simple youkai. So it was the one responsible from my pain... A wicked grin spread across Sanzo's face. He spat blood onto the youkai's foot before whipping out his shoureijuu. "You've caught me on a bad day... so I'll ask you politely ... no.. I won't even go that far."
The blasts of the shoureijuu woke Hakkai... and he sat up in bed, Gojyo's arm slipping off of him.
"Fmmrg..." Gojyo muttered.
"Stay asleep, Gojyo...I'll be back in a moment." Hakkai said softly, reassuring the kappa.
"Grmmh..." Gojyo mumbled.
Hakkai got out of bed and looked to the window... It's raining... and hearing those gunshots isn't a good sign... in his condition... has he... no, not yet... please, not yet... Hakkai thought to himself. He hurried out of the room and approached Sanzo's.
Blood... why is there always... so much blood...?
Hakkai gaped in horror as he opened the door. Sanzo had shot a youkai to death... brutally. He'd loosed all five bullets into the creature... two of them splitting its head apart like a watermelon... the rest riddling its body. Standing in the middle of the gore was Sanzo himself, grinning like the youkai he'd slaughtered.
"Hello, Hakkai." he said calmly.
"Hello, Sanzo. You've made quite the mess." Hakkai said cheerfully, regarding the chaos and sizing up the situation.
"I didn't notice... sometimes the filth just piles up..." Sanzo grinned.
"Sanzo, you really should rest... let me clean this up... you're not well." Hakkai said finally, approaching him. Sanzo backed away.
"DON'T TOUCH ME!" he shouted, covered his face with his bloodied hands.
"Sanzo..." Hakkai said softly, trying to coax him into behaving as a teacher would a shy student. "It's alright... it's over now."
"It's never over..." Sanzo muttered, walking to his bed and sitting on the end of it. "So much blood... that thing was like a sack of blood... he just popped... PFF... like that..."
"Sanzo..." Hakkai sighed sadly. It was a terrible thing to see Sanzo's mind slowly deteriorating... but there was nothing he, Gojyo, or even Goku could do. Sanzo's inner stress and chaos had begun to overwhelm him... and whether or not they would reach India before his sanity finally gave out was a game chance. "Please try to hang on."
"To what, Hakkai? It's all out of reach." Sanzo snapped.
"What is out of reach, Sanzo?" Hakkai asked, upon cleaning up the gore by vaporizing it with concentrated ki. He walked towards Sanzo and sat next to him on the bed. "Tell me."
"Can't tell you... can't tell anyone... no one understands..." Sanzo maintained. Hakkai felt his heart break slightly... he hated seeing Sanzo like this... when before, he'd been so strong. He had to get him back... somehow...
"Please, Sanzo. Tell me... I'll try to-" Hakkai started but suddenly, Sanzo had grasped his hand tightly. "Sanzo?"
Sanzo said nothing. He stared straight ahead into the darkness... not looking at Hakkai... just holding his hand... tightly. Anchored in reality by this hand and nothing else. He held tightly. As long as he had this hand to hold, he would remain. Hakkai smiled and tightened his grip in response, placing his other hand over Sanzo's.
"I don't know what to do... I'm losing my mind. I can't seem to keep it intact... the way it was before." Sanzo sighed shakily.
"It's alright..." Hakkai reassured him. "You're strong, Sanzo. We both know this."
"Being strong isn't enough... I have to... ghnnaagh..." Sanzo made an odd noise... it was one Hakkai had heard him make before when his headaches grew unbearable... now he knew it simply meant Sanzo's mind itself was in agony. His motherly instincts took over upon hearing this sound... and he drew Sanzo into an embrace. He rested Sanzo's head on his shoulder and rubbed his back. Uncharacteristic of him, yes... but not if it involved comforting a child... and Sanzo was regressing further and further each day. Soon enough, there would be nothing left of him... nothing left at all.
"Hakkai..." Sanzo breathed, tears burning down his face and lighting upon Hakkai's skin.
"Yes Sanzo?" Hakkai asked gently, his own eyes filling with tears as well.
"Don't let me go..." Sanzo ordered, burying his face in Hakkai's shoulder.
"I won't." Hakkai obeyed, and tightened his grip.
As long as I have this hand to hold... I will remain...